6:03 p.m.- 2006-04-29 | Hurting myself

Well This thing has fallen to shit hasnt it.

I guess I just don't want to remember any of this shit and forgot about it hey.

Plus I have no money to put stupid picture on here anymore I speand most of my time on Deviant art now


Thats my stuff.

Well I am in Kelowna taking 3d animation now and it takes up alot of my time... so much time infact I don't know how Im going to have time for a job and so that i can feed myself while im Here. Im at the school right now cause I can't afford my own computer even though I am an animation student haha thats pretty pathetic...

I have really hated myself the last few days...I've pouted and screamed and cried and been emo lonely. I really thought I was over all this shit for a time there... But who Am I kidding the pain always comes back. I think I hate going home after the day is done the most because I know that I am just going to sit in my bed and start thinking about depressing paranoid crap

I hate what I think in the wee hours of the day... I hate those wispering insults that I give myself. I hate the gridding of my teeth as I clasp my pillow titer trieinbg to block it all out. I was on sleeping pills for a while... Boy did they help. I couldnt stay awake to hurt myself emotionally anymore...I thought that I would be able to get over anything at that point. If I get a job here soon I think thats going to be one of the first things Im going to invest in again. Besides not emotionally hurting myself I actually sleep on them.... ANd I tell you what there is no better feeling.


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